Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Tucker Carlson on "Lap-Dancing With The Stars"

Okay, it was a tame lap-dance, or rather, it was an artistic interpretation of what would be going on in conservative Tucker Carlson's imagination if an attractive, half-dressed, red-spangled woman in 'fuck me' pumps appeared before him for a lap dance: She'd yank on the tail of his bowtie (releasing his inhibitions), and they'd . . . . Cha-Cha the night away. So very badly:

Notes for Tucker Carlson:

'Skipping' isn't dancing, Tucker, and neither is shuffling your feet.

Dancing is just another form of communication between two people, but instead of using your voice and your ears, you use your entire body to speak and, just as importantly, to listen.

'Listening' is the key, Tucker, to what will make you a better dancer, a better broadcaster, a better journalist, and a better human being. I'm not sure that grinning throughout the dance communicated that you were having fun so much as it looked like you were blowing it off and going through the motions because it's difficult and embarrassing enough to be vulnerable and `communicate' intimately with another person without television cameras broadcasting it nationwide.

Tucker Carlson's performance may have been the best metaphor yet for what's wrong with red-state America: Can he allow himself to be vulnerable with and sensitive to, self-divulging and accepting of, his polar opposite?

In weeks to come (if he manages not to get voted off), we may see Tucker learn to dance yet . . . . and the whole of America will be the better off for it.

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